Meaningful

Sometimes we ask GOD: GOD why u leave me!!
But we never heard GOD told us that, my boy I'd nvr leave u, but why u leave me my boy.

Something meaningful, that i feel myself and my own experience. God never abbandon us, most the time is we who leave Him.

Im back dear Father :D

Go Die!!

Zadao lor!! i fight with Kevin this whole night for our disection lab report till want vomit blood.. but then suddenly only get the news that the report is pass up next week de==''
1st we heard this we feel dun wanna belief it so go ask somemore ppl ..
then i go ask Kelly she also said so.. just like the whole world knw but why only me and Kevin dunno.. now keep wanna 上吊 ler==''
pia till so cham for.... =='''
aa~!!!~~

Wanna go die liao lor~~ T_T

Good luck too all UCSI boys and girls who take test tml =D

lolz.. so funny today evening i was sleeping in order to pay the debt for late sleeping yesterday night for my moral study(althought it didnt bring quite help for me = ='')

As soon as i reach home, i directly fainted after running some program on my com. THEN!! when i wake up, i look at the clock, it was 8 already!! DIE lor.. i cant even belief my eye so i directly watch the other clock and it brings the same result, then i was totally fed up because..

I TOT IT WAS 8AM ==''

then i plan for the perfect war planning for the next 2 hours of study == ''

then i directly rush to my com then my face suddenly o.O

they clock on my com shows now was 8pm = =''

then i think i was so so stupiak and i think i was too nervous on the test tml as all my UCSI frens do haha..

actually i was not intend to blog today but it seems so funny that everyone on msn all write something like "bio..i bet i cant finish study tonight... all because of last minute!!!","BIO....I LOVE U SO MUCH....I HOPE I CAN DO WELL>>>"."OMG!! bio quiz!! still lots more hvnt finish!!!!!!!","Shit...............god heaven liao.....my biology sure gonna to hell liao~~","lolx.. that will be good if we were told wud will come out in d bio quiz 2ml.. so we wont suffer like this.. ><" and even some like "CHAO KEVIN"?? i dunnno wad that mean haha..

Know why i knw it?? because i was appear offline observe all the time ma, because i knw if i keep online i will die 10 years earlier so i appear offline and.... DL song ,DOta and doing things that shorten my life for 20 years(seems bring no diff= ='')

So now after this post i will be arranging my data haha, so good luck all my fren =D

i did pray for u all, no matter u all belief or not XD..

p/s:and o mana cola tonight? really scare dao me dun dare online ler a? lolx

Listen.. to the heartbeat of a lame single =D

Long long ago.. I was single...
But now?? haha.. i'm still single lolz..
Be honest that.. I think I have never "ON" with girls before..
at most at most is only until the stage of ambiguous..

Sometimes i figured out that i have mistaken in some parts.. sometimes just really not suit haha..
Actually there are so many ppl, sometimes did they think of, if they really wanna find a partner for life or just to satisfied their feeling of emptiness the feeling of being love or ??..
(Hey i cant put so much comment on it man! Or else ppl will think this was a lame single guy mumbling here)

Actually things that causes me to blog this morning is just.. I had a dream again LOlz..
I dreaming I was on a relationship with a girl (Shh.. dun ask me who is her).
Undeniable the feeling was nice, sweet and some said awesome~( Since the feeling is so real, trusted that most of you had these experience also. haha)

Its true to tell you all that life as single is quite enjoyable. Especially can simply go "bio" leng lui XD..(Suan ler.. dun wanna keep my name nice as it was smelly in UCSI d T__T)

But sometimes freedom does costs. Of the sad sad feeling of being a single guy haha.

But cheers man, maybe it just not the time for us.

As for me, I belief God will have the better plan in me, he will take me through all of this, he will guide me to the brighter future than the way i want to walk myself. I know He was with me.

For the other non-believers. Just cheer man!!

Long live single!!=D

Cleaning...

Oh man!! heard that my blog was full of spider web... so i come clean clean..

Clean~

ok ler... dun say my blog many spider web liao haha..

打DOTA的男生是MM的择偶最佳选择!!

原因如下：

1、强烈的事业心 他可以为自己的爱好付出一切精力。将来，他也一定会有自己热爱的事业。而且，男人最性感的时刻之一，就是他专心致志做事的时候。所以，找一个机会在他全神贯注玩DOTA的时候，从侧面好好观察他，你就会发现我说的话没错。

2、永不服输的精神俗话说，文无第一，武无第二。DOTA也是一项体育运动，每一个DOTAer都
有过从被人踩到踩别人的经历，而且这个过程中的第一阶段——被踩，是一个相当漫长的时间段。如果没有不服输的精神，早就放弃了。所以，想要在玩DOTA的男性里找一个容易服输的人很难。游戏中如此，人生也如此，还是找个有骨气的男人比较好。

3、十分的绅士风度就算被人扁到心里全是眼泪，打完一局后还是要说GG(也就是good game/多多指教)，大不了明天再找回来。君子报仇，十年不晚。久而久之，DOTAer都会养成记吃不记打、谦虚谨慎的良好性格。这同样也是好老公的必备条件之一。

4、超长的耐心一个DOTAer，不一定每局都会一直比分领先，但他们会在局势落后的时候，全力寻找每一个可以翻盘的机会，这个时候就需要耐心。耐心的去调整心态，耐心的去打钱、GANK/甚至偷塔，然后再给对手致命一击。在你们的生活中，同样也会有不顺心的时候，所以选个有耐心的老公吧，然后两个人，永远以风平浪静的心态，去面对共同的人生。

5、超强的抗击打能力每一DOTAer一定都尝到过被对方魔法狂轰滥炸的感觉，而且不只是一次。那么，当他面对的不是冷冰冰的霜冻，而是充满爱意的小粉拳的时候，他同样也不会逃避，而是甘心情愿去选择做一个满脸笑容、老老实实的沙包。

6、非同一般的细心做为DOTAer，基本功之一就是在游戏中的观察对手的走位和行动，日复一日，年复一年，他的观察力绝对和福尔摩斯不相上下。同样和你在一起的时候，他不会忽略掉你的各种感受，包括你的一颦一笑，一举一动。你疲劳时，他会帮助你；你高兴时，他会和你一起享受快乐；你苦闷时，他会安慰你。呜呼，有老公如此，夫复何求！

7、超越常人的敏捷反应又是一项DOTAer的基本功，反射弧长的人同样不适合这项运动。选择终身伴侣，不一定非得要李连杰，成龙般的身手，但机灵点儿，总不会错吧。

8、超级丰富的计算机、网络知识随随便便找一个DOTAer，他可以从选择显卡、CPU、鼠标、键盘，到对驱动、网络条件，进行优化和你聊上三天三夜。再说，以后的世界，永远是计算机和网络的世界，找一个不懂这两样东西的老公，就连出门也会被人笑话的。而且，你们未来的宝宝还没生下来就多了一个老师。xxx同志都说过，计算机要从娃娃抓起，这方面你是不用再担心了。

9、一级棒的心理承受力不一定什么时候就会被对方抄了老家，不一定什么时候就会与敌人狭路相逢。每个DOTAer都养成了死亡之指指向心脏而不惊，风暴之锤锤于胸口而不惧的大无畏精神。人生总要经历坎坷和波折。一个遇事就变得颓废沮丧的人，你会选择他做你的终身伴侣吗？

10、计划性到什么时候该干什么，是DOTAer应该烂熟于心的事。每时每刻他都在心里默默的做着计划，计算对手的等级以及经验，考虑对手出没的地方和是否GANK,思考对方集结的位置和可能进攻的方向。形成了做事缜密的性格后，他同样会把你们的生活安排的井井有条，后天是你的生日，应该开个party；大后天该去买大米，顺便把酱油买回来。嗯，就是这样。

11、会攒钱在DOTA中，金钱几乎可以说是命脉，没有金钱就没有装备，没有装备，再NB的操作也是白费。所以，DOTAer都有一个非常好的习惯，就是攒钱。经过前期在线上的不懈努力，终于熬到了出装备的钱，那是一个破茧成蝶的过程（尤其是3800），所以找一个DOTAer,就是找一个会攒钱的男人，MM今后的日子一定会很富足的哦…至少是老公攒钱，老婆花的哦……我再加

两个：

12、拥有强大的抵抗美女诱惑的能力面对对面的火女等级别的美女，绝对不手软，坚决把对方送回祭坛~~所以找一个DOTAer，MM绝对可以放心，他们绝对很专一。

13、拥有十分好的大局观和团队精神为了团队可以牺牲自己，将补刀赚钱的机会让给更需要的主力DPS。这样的人在家庭和社会都可以为别人考虑，不以自己为中心。

并不是每个DOTAer都可以同时把以上十条体现得非常完美，但并不是因为他们没有这些优点，而是你还没有发掘出来，还没有观察到。所以多给他一点儿时间，要不然，你可能会后悔一辈子的。综上所述，DOTA不仅是一项竞技运动，而且是MM们择偶必备的重要工具之一。选择DOTAer，就是选择幸福。

erm.. wait..

swt.. suppose to blog one more post.. wait other day ba ==''
time suddenly so late d ==''
bb

nite nite..

I've break my promise..

its clear that..
its true that..
i had break my promise to someone..
maybe this is not a big deal..
bring no big change..

but promise is a promise..
i just fail to keep something that was promised..
actually this is not a 1st time that i break a promise..
and i knw it..
but just giving a bunch of crap explanation to make myself to feel not so guilty..

but not this time..
this is not a nice attitude man..
just need to change it..
1st just have to face it..
hope that one day can overcome =.=''
its time to grow up boy..

Grar..

change??

dunno since when ...
i found that..
actually me myself are a perfectionist..
i found that. if i had been given a job..
i just wanna finish it perfectly..
so i do need time to prepare for it..
but sometimes things burst out suddenly..
just not enough time for me to prepare for it!!
or mayb that i just dun have enough confidence on myself...

and seems that..
dunno its since long time before or it just happen lately..
i start to losing confident in so much thing..
and losing confident on myself also..
i start to not believing myself in so much so much thing..
something big that change me??
or this is the real side of me..
i dunno...
who knows..
HE knows..

just hope that my faith to YOU can lead me through all the problem that i face..
all the challenge that have to deal with..
Grar!!

cant i dont be so emo??
Lolz

emo emo

Cry when you are sad

Cry when you are sad..
Roar when you are angry..
Argue when its not right...
Explain to protect yourself...

Hmm..
this seems to be the normal reaction when we face something like this..

But....
i f0und that i start losing these feeling...
the most obvious one is Cry when you are sad..

i born in a normal family.. i think so..
but since i was small..
very very small ...
when very very very small when baby..cry is something normal..
but since my age growing older..
i was be taught to not cry as i were a boy...
something pain i still remember...
when i was small
i did something wrong.. so i been rotan by my father...
i cry..
ppl did cry..
i still remember my father scold that..
you are a boy.. why are you crying.. i hate to see boy cry...
so he rotan even heavy..til....
i stop crying...

this seems to be bring nothing to me by that time..
by all these years..
i almost never cry since i was small...

But i think that most the time..
i change my sadness into angry..

But lately something happen..
something really hurts happen..
thats what i can blame no one..
it also cant be angry for...
so i feel.. sad...
so pain u knw.. haha..
till i wanna cry...
i found that...

I CANT CRY!!zz
= =''

when i feel really wanna cry...
tears just wont come out..
everything was stuck inside..
that be so so pain so so sad..
Lolz..
and so so emo emo..

nwo then i know..
i lose something..

Cry maybe seems to be a normal thing to most of the ppl..
but i knw that bring diff meaning to other ppl...
so..
just wanna said..
its good when u can cry when u are said...
haiz..
go to work ler..

emo emo

Eat eat EAt!!

GOing hilton to have my dinner.. dunno how it feel ler...
tauke bring de no need pay
but feel strange strange because i still not so know worker there..
haiz haiz..

see how lor..

come back then report again.

Being Existing.

I wonder.. if some of u really ever think of this problem..
it may seems bringing no effect to some of you..
but actually after i think days and nights..

this thing hurts, its happy, or its terrified..

some of the people maybe never feel the feeling of losing the feeling of being existing..
surrounding by peoples, and always be the focus in between of a bunch of people..

Some people, they dont even know whats is their position in that party, they even think of ..
What will happen if i leave the group or join the group..
Will it bring any change? Or.. he bring no change to things around him =.='

In some edges of this world..
We can see that many people want people

to care for them
to prove that they are exist

some of them even do things to hurt themselves..
or acting some unexplained insane things in order for ppl to see and say that..

"hey see he is *****..wow lets see what the world said about him"

is this what they want
is this what we want

or is this what i want..

THANK GOD..
until now i still haven do something insane..
but i admit that i always doing stupid things..
but it bring no change to things
Lolz..

after a silly laugh..
the earth is still rotating..
air is till running
people still worrying..
people still thinking..
the world is still running back as how it is..

SO WHAT AGAIN!!

Luckily i still know that ..GOD you never abandon me.. you always be on my side..
always know what i hope to.. and give me by the way of perfect..
I love you.. muackz! Lolz



Maybe people will see i still staying in emo style while i was using English to blogging ..
but, maybe this is how my blog be >.<
BUT there is a notice here： i will opening a blog soon .. not so emo .. so wait for it ba.. i will inform u all as i open it.. if there some one who want to see =.=''

any way.. some funny experience let me think of this issue..
this topic not just pop up from my mind..
as these day i was working..
i think my mind got prob..
i will suddenly get my phone out and see..
but i feel that i was stupid.. as i know that they should be totally no sms for me ..
or call..
i wonder.. who i waiting for??
why i do this??

so i finally give up..
so if some of you sms or call me that i didnt reply..
im so so sorry..
i just wanna let me far away from thinking of this stupid thing =.='

am i exist???
=.=''

emo emo

I accpet ur challenge!!

Haha.. since i always scold Lian is a banana..
So i challenge her for blogging daily using Chinese..
for about..
Dunno how long is it..
Maybe she will like and get use the feeling of blogging by Chinese and use it for forever??
Who knows..

Btw, as for fairness so i this china panda have to accept the challenge to use English for blogging .. swt..

SO WHAT???

so this is my 1st passage using full English for..
i also dunno until when

>.<'' we forgot to put a time limit on this challenge cham.. >.<''

Walao a!! not again =.=''

Haiz.. =.=''

今天我又去找LIan 了=.=''...

结果又不知道迎来了第几次的失败..

不是谁的错，也没人好怪，但命运的安排实在是=.=''

Cute NeH~ err...

非常奇怪的，不知道从几时开始每当要约她出来就包定会遇到怪怪的问题，然后就出不到了..=.=''

这种心情只能用 =.='' 来形容..

Haiz..

慢一点各自就要开工咯，也没什么机会出来聊聊了..

本来也是要顺便告诉INtervieW 成功的好消息，哪里知道..

到了boulevard才看到 "Guylian" 的sms ..Swt到一下.. >.<

结果只能够班师回京了..Swt swt SWt..

就这样啦..

我就不相信出不到Grr...ROAR!!zz

顺便将一下，我见工成功了，在中原小馆..得空来一下吧.. 哈哈



ok.. back to emo mode =.=''

雨水= = 让我的心都冷了..

今天兴致勃勃，想要出去走走、散散心。。
谁知一切的计划。。
因为一场大雨，淋得我的心都冷了。。算了。。 显了= =
什么计划都真的是泡汤了。。
Haih.. oh~ Mr. Fate
Lolz.

Maybe its really fate that make us really no chance to meet together..Lolz
maybe i really trust in fate = =
but it still make me feel very pek chek ==''

i just wanna walk around .. err.
why just dont let me! ROAR!

btw..算了。。 总会有一天能够出到的= =
炸到。。


感谢玉玲冲的热milo!^^



Lolz!! for someone who knows what this song mean..
>.<

No wonder what happen,
No wonder what happen,
How big is the rain,
The sky turns bright at the end.
So do whatever the problem we face,
Sometime we thought we have solve it,
We have overcome it,
But it just like the rain,
Keep turning big and small,
Keep on annoying us,
But...
So What!! it does come the bright day right?!!
So do our life!!


Ush!
Roar!

亲爱的朋友们!

勇哥作品！！aka Kenyalangkia

肥祥作品！！aka Si BUi(FrayanCorr)

今天早上，一早就爬起来准备去机场送要去台湾留学的朋友们了。
其实，要说伤心、不舍的感情，有但没有像其他人那么重。我也不知道为什么。
或许。。
我已经了解了分开是不能避免的事情，但在这里还是要祝福去台湾留学的朋友们：加油！！
想要见我吗？哈哈！相信不难的，只要我们大家都努力，相信有一天还是能再见面的 ！！

在这里，也要对其中的Si BUi说；肥啊！你是我其中一个最难忘的朋友！你对朋友的真诚，使我感觉到了有被重视的感觉，跟你做朋友是一件很幸福享受的事！！再来，你是个好男人！muackz!!要努力啊！往自己的未来展望！！

还有。。
Kenyalangkia!：虽然我跟你不是很亲密^^。但是，我却很享受和你一起作战的感觉。哈哈！希望我们来日还有机会Lol。。 在这里也真心的祝福你在台湾的旅程！！加油！

其他的朋友们！很抱歉一是想不到要对你们说什么，就那一句吧。。加油！！
哈哈！！

ps:大家要常update部落格哦！我也会尽量的。 哈哈！

难得的日记

最近，为了结束在家生菇的生活而接了一份工。这份工是那个死肥祥介绍的。其实，这么做着过来，不知不觉已过了四天。工作很简单，也只是卖karaoke系统，在crown square的大门口。每天过着很有规律的生活，大约10a.m.就等beauty credit 的店开，过后就进去将整套系统搬出来安装。再来，就等有人有意思才介绍，然后占最多时间的。。。。就是等时间过..swt

前几天，没有update近况实在很抱歉，第一天和第二天的心情。。真的是跌到谷底，多数也是因为自己的问题，应该。。也怪不上别人。不过，能说的也只有是因为在乎而如此。。
愤怒的涌现一发不可收拾。。

不过，还要多多的感谢uncle James（贝维忠导师）的教导。。他的教导，或许救回了一分友谊、一颗心、一个人。。脑中浮现他的话让我一切一触即发的情绪得到了稳定。。

不曾如此恐怖的生气，或许我要分享的感觉会让人生畏，但能说的只有事实确实如此。。
那天，大约是8.45p.m.一切即将爆发，幸好及时冷静下来。。
接下来，我唯一能做的就是叫大脑安静下来。恐怖的是大脑冷静了下来，我的身体却在愤怒最巅峰，全身的血真的好像沸腾般的热，完全感觉血管跳动、整个人在那儿的颤抖。
回想起来，真的不知道如果按不住情绪会发生什么事。。
当天晚上，听讲了朋友们要去喝茶就不顺路地叫秋来在我。等到他得空时已是12a.m.
虽然很夜了，但我只想出去走走，或许会好一些。。
不过，似乎也没什么作用。。
只能在大家面前装作什么事都没发生。。
那种感觉。。我明白了，心里说不出的痛。。
出生以来第一次那么痛。。

或许，遇到这么糟糕的事情，有些人会选择忘记、放弃，但我却在心中默默告诉自己，要牢牢的将那天的经历刻在脑海中，提醒自己，经历了什么、成功了什么、失败了什么。。


朋友们，或许这一篇文章读了，让人不怎么舒服，我也不知要如何去修饰。。
但，我想告诉的是：

朋友们，在愤怒时，请给自己5秒的冷静时间，如果5秒不够，就10秒、20秒、1分钟。。不要让愤怒控制你，要让你控制愤怒。。

~完~

梦

今天一早，我从来都没想过的从梦中惊醒了...
醒来的那一刻，有种说不出的感觉..
为什么梦中一切会是那么的真，那么的完美，将我完完全全的欺骗了..
既然是梦，为什么还给我那么真实地感觉..
碰到了，感觉到了，
就连喝着酒的感觉也是那么的真实，
感觉冰冷的水流过喉咙，
感觉到得到...

故事背景，就是今天（星期日）发生的一切...
说我应该期待梦境成真吗？
我希望，但算了吧...
一切在醒来之后看一看，还是那么的遥远...

我终于那么一点地明白，
看似得到，又失去的那种痛..

昨晚的我，想都没想过着这是什么感觉..
今朝的我却经历了一遍..
好无力，好难过...

看着枕头。躺在床上..
有着不敢入睡的感觉...
好怕在经历..

哈哈！...
我看起来在逃避了...
我其实也不那么有勇气..
但这种事情必须面对的！！
我愿再次宣战，再次面对...


这
是成长的路程！！
要成长，我是不会逃避的...
要勇敢地去面对未来..
未来或许是困难的..
但，又一句很有意思的话:

“哪里有困难，就往哪里去！”

希望这句话能给在看的你那么一点点面对未来的勇气..
(你 = 我的各位朋友们 swt..）


这是个噩梦，还是个美梦，还是都不是呢？..
这是你要我学习的吗？
就像我向你所求的..
求你带领我..

对不起，I'm sorry

发现到...
自己有时真的是自私了点...
昨晚，我的情绪似乎是跌到谷底了...
虽然，不知道是自做多情，还是...

但这一切多不重要...
因为我学到了一堂重要的课...
或许有些人看了我的部落格...发现到...
我有那么平日看不见的emo...

同时，我也发现到我也是个自私的人..
很常的我，很保护自己、在乎自己的感受...
以为全世界那刻不好受的，也只有我一个...
其实，或许我在那一刻忽略了身边人的感受...

发现的那一刻，好心痛，顿时不知道该如何是好...
好内疚....

我只能说...

对不起，I'm sorry

Who Do You Really Want to Be With...

其实, 你有没有想过, 自己心目中真正的择偶条件会是什么...

无聊的日子, 终日无所事事让我有机会真正的往心里挖了一番...

发现, 原来要的不是真正想要的...
不想要的却才是真正心里想要在一起的人..

这会是一时冲动吗？
还是，是认真思考过的一个结果..

这一切，等待过了一瞬间的冲动后，或许就会有更明确的答案...
这冲动与愤怒的冲动又会不会很类似呢？
很类似地将人带入错误的决定...



（寻找着答案）

百感交集

今天，开工的第一天，看似他如社会的开始。。
此刻的我，没有了去描述今天工作的状况。。。的心情。。

今天的我，现在的我，此刻的我。。。

梦了、想了、反省了、羞了、累了、爱了、高兴了、孤单了、无奈了、
想不通了、想要放弃了、想要加把劲、伤心了、失望了、心痛了、我心里哭了、

我似乎


愤怒了。。。

脑阿、主啊、求你能让我冷静下来。。。 所有的情绪，我愿意承受、愿意拥有。。
但求，把愤怒隔开。。。我不想因为这样。。。 愤怒了。。

说真的，我打从心里愤怒了几遍。。感谢、感恩的。。。 我冷静了下来。。
愿我所想到、猜测的一切不是真的。。

因为那是愤怒时的想法。。。愿我能有一颗冷静的思想。。 看见事实。。

愤怒的心。。请冷静。。。

令我看到。。 清楚，明亮的真相。。

。。谢谢。。